The Flâneur's Turtle

By Paul Gaszak, English Faculty

To start 2013, I wrote on the Flaneur’s Turtle about New Year’s Resolutions. In part, I noted how with only hours remaining in 2012, I made a list of 11 resolutions for myself, with “none being particularly easy” because they were all large goals and life changes.

I also said that “one of the problems with resolutions is that they often don’t carry any immediate consequences. If the resolution, for example, is to lose weight and a person doesn’t start immediately, there is always next week, next month, next year.”

I jokingly followed by saying, “To motivate myself, I decided to impose a consequence. If I do not accomplish all 11 items by December 31, 2013, I will purchase a little rowboat and some rations, and push myself out into Lake Michigan until I find either enlightenment or hypothermia.”

However, the truth behind the joke was that I was taking these resolutions seriously, because they all did carry an immediate consequence: unhappiness.

Isn’t that why most people make even the most basic, cliched resolutions? If a person says, “I am going to lose 20 pounds!” it’s likely rooted in that person being unhappy with how they look or feel, or they believe those 20lbs are keeping them from some form of happiness. If a person says, “I’m going to spend less money!” it’s because they are unhappy with being broke and feeling their heart stop in terror at the sight of each bill. That’s what resolutions are: we are trying to resolve our unhappiness.

Likewise, my 11 resolutions were identifying nagging sources of unhappiness that I could fix to push me toward as much happiness as possible. None of this is to say I lead a miserable, unhappy life, nor am I even remotely suggesting my life is “worse” or “harder” than anyone else’s. If anything, I am very fortunate and lucky to have the life I do. Still, I don’t believe in settling. I think we should all continue to work to be better and happier, whether those are small adjustments or massive changes.

Some of my resolutions were public and I blabbed about them constantly to anyone who would listen (like #1, to keep running, working out, and improving my fitness). Others were intensely personal and I never talked to anyone about them. So, I decided to amusingly share the results of my resolutions, without identify what the resolutions was.

The results of my 11 resolutions:

#1: Accomplished, but still working at it.
#2: So-so. I’ll say I failed, because I didn’t do as well as I should have.
#3: Accomplished, technically. But there’s a long way to go.
#4: Yikes. Sort of? Not really?
#5: Significant progress, but not accomplished.
#6: Zero progress.
#7: Complete failure.
#8: Accomplished, just not with the results I wanted.
#9: Accomplished?
#10: Accomplished.
#11: Accomplished.

As we begin 2014, I hope everyone has a wonderful year. I will be updating my resolutions and goals. If you made resolutions, I hope you stick with them and find all the happiness you’re after.